So… it’s been quite a while since I’ve posted anything, and even longer since I’ve written anything. While I could apologize for that, I would rather just share where I’ve been. These past 6 months have been the hardest that I have gone through, especially this past month. I was just looking at my Instagram and I haven’t posted since JULY 4th! It’s almost August. Not only that, but it only feels like it’s been a week since my last post. I have no idea where this month has gone. What’s even scarier is that I feel like I have accomplished nothing this past month.
Here’s why… I have been so tired and exhausted. I’ve been in a rut. A life rut. I wake up exhausted, I go to work exhausted, and then I come home exhausted. Does that sound tiring or what?! It’s just gotten to the point that I can’t even think straight. I have been generally exhausted for a long time, but it has just gotten worse this month. So what did I do this month? I curled up in a ball and just let myself be exhausted. I fell into this cycle of letting the exhaustion consume me.
I am done. I am done letting the exhaustion consume me. I need my life back. I’m not sure how I’m going to get it back, but I need to. So here I am trying to recharge & refresh my life. My body has been trying to push me down and I have had enough!
A mental refresh was the first thing I knew I needed to recharge. Although I’ve been doing fun and enjoyable activities, I haven’t been enjoying them like I should. I am constantly thinking about all of the things that my body is not letting me accomplish. Whether that be chores around the house, keeping up at work, or just not having enough time for hobbies. It’s exhausting.
To give my mind a little ease, I started actively choosing to focus on the fun. I have never had to do that before. Fun was just had. That’s so weird that I have to choose to focus on it.
What a weird world chronic illness is.
To actually recharge & refresh my mental game, I focused on mixing things up. So I actually took the time to sit down and design the new banner for my website and social media. That’s something that I have been wanting to do for a while. My mind was taking over and making me feel insanely guilty about not posting in such a long while.
Sometimes there are just parts of our brain that we need to shut off for a little while. I know… easier said than done. It certainly gets to be a significantly more difficult task when your body is against you.
A spa day was also in order for my mental refresh. That’s supposed to be a physical refresh, right? Not for me. Spa days are for relaxation and escape. Time to just sit and let my mind wander… or not. Me time. Sure, the massage feel great. My body is so tense from coughing that it doesn’t last for very long, though.
I used to do yoga. Every day. There was never a time in my life that I felt as recharged & refreshed as then. Then I got sick. Then I didn’t really get better. So you can imagine what happened to my activity level.
It has taken me several months to adjust to this new baseline. Energy is something that has become difficult to come by. I am trying desperately to cling to my old lifestyle. It’s never easy accepting that you need to take it easy for a while. Sitting back and watching every aspect of my life pile up has been unbearable.
I’m finally ready to get some of that back. I tried doing the 30 Days of Yoga challenge again. Man… it was so much harder than the first few times I did it. I didn’t quite make it through the whole 30 days, but I’m excited and ready to try again.
If at first you don’t succeed; try, try, try again.
I’ve been walking more. Thank you Pokémon GO for giving me a reason to aimlessly walk around the block so that it’s not quite so boring walking in the same circle 10 times! Perhaps I will be able to get active enough where I feel like I deserve to reapply for a Cystic Fibrosis Lifestyle Foundation grant.
I know that this journey to recharge & refresh will not be an easy one. The last 6 months have been enough of a battle just to keep up with the bare necessities of life. This is something I need. I am so tired of being exhausted and miserable because of it.
What sort of things help you to recharge & refresh?