Stress & Cystic Fibrosis

I was writing about the last couple days of my Bonnaroo trip this last week, but I need to take a side step to talk about stress. I have always been an active and ambitious person. However, lately I haven’t been able to live up to my standards. There is this growing contradiction in my physical abilities and my mental ambition. At my doctor appointment yesterday, my wonderful nurse practitioner pointed out that stress can cause health dips. After having a night to think on it, I really think that’s something that may be affecting me more than I realized.

I have been working really hard to fight for my health, meaning missing out on late night social events or things I would much rather be doing that staying home to do treatments. Sometimes it’s just that I plain don’t have energy for it. This is not me. This is not the Wendy that I grew up with. The Wendy that I grew up with was everywhere, with everyone, all the time. This is something that is proving very difficult for me to adjust to. While I have tried very hard to stay true to who I know I am, there are parts of my life that I just have to accept are going to be different and not the way I want them to be because of my CF.

Something that I have been working VERY hard on the last year or so is taking my health VERY seriously. In the past, I would let school or social events take priority sometimes. Since my health has started to decline I have had kind of a wake up call/sign to grow up. So going to my doctor appointment knowing that I’ve been working very hard on doing my treatments and being told that I need to up them was kind of a slap in the face.. Shouldn’t I just be healthy if I’m following the treatment plan that I am supposed to? Isn’t 2 hours a day enough of my day stolen? I still have work and my internship that I want to do. How will I get enough money for rent and all of my other expenses if I end up having to cut back? These are questions that have just been flooding my brain. On top of it, it’s very hard for me to figure out all of these answers because there are just many unknowns. I am just starting a new job that I am hoping will be a better fit for me and much easier for me to focus on my health. I am also contemplating seeing if I can do my internship in the spring, after I have had a semester to work on my health and take it easy for once. There is just so much to figure out and it doesn’t follow the path that the others my age are following, so it all needs to come from my creative brain.